September 29, 2014


Life with a child who has schizophrenia or schizoid Affective Disorder can be frightening.  Sometimes you feel as though you're walking in to the mouth of the Kracken.  To those of you who don't understand the term it refers to the scene in which Johnny Depp who play Captain Jack Sparrow willing walks from the ship that is sinking into the mouth of the giant octopus, or metaphorically death knowing full well his fate.  Staring into the mouth of the kracken comes in many forms.  It is a completely individual journey but simply put it is facing the unknown, your fears, and a force that is quite obviously much larger than life and is completely out of your control.  That truly is dealing with a child with a mental disorder.



Emily started experiencing erratic behavior.  She started drinking heavily, experimenting with drugs, staying out all night and fighting violently with her husband.  All of these details were taking place in an apartment and were kept from me.  Everyone around me knew but me.  Well, my oldest daughter worked for a general practitioner and decided to confide her sister's problems.  Of  course he advised her to come in and see him and at the completion of that visit Emily  was on Seroquel, Metforman, and Prozac.  At this time my daughter would swear that she was not hallucinating or hearing voices she was just struggling with her anger. 


For three years she stayed on the prescribed medications and we struggled with her ability to stay awake, to focus, to function as a regular human being.  And of course as almost all mental health patients she decided to stop taking the medications.  During this period she would take them and then stop taking them repeatedly.  Seroquel is one of the first generation antipsychotic medications and for new psychiatrists it is considered for some to be nothing short of poison.  It physically poisons the body with all of the toxins and it leaves the patient struggling to function under the influence of its debilitating effects. 


As a mother during this time I really felt like I was losing my daughter.  I listened to the doctor, I believed everything he said and I continued to try to convince her that it was always in her best interest to take the medications.  I was not educated on Seroquel, I had no prior  experience with the drug and I was taking the word of the doctor.  Meanwhile, it was killing her.  It was taking her life from her, making it almost impossible to be a mother to her son.  She was teaching preschool and it was becoming increasingly difficult to work everyday.  All I could see was a down hill fall into a coma.  I hated it.