September 29, 2014


Life with a child who has schizophrenia or schizoid Affective Disorder can be frightening.  Sometimes you feel as though you're walking in to the mouth of the Kracken.  To those of you who don't understand the term it refers to the scene in which Johnny Depp who play Captain Jack Sparrow willing walks from the ship that is sinking into the mouth of the giant octopus, or metaphorically death knowing full well his fate.  Staring into the mouth of the kracken comes in many forms.  It is a completely individual journey but simply put it is facing the unknown, your fears, and a force that is quite obviously much larger than life and is completely out of your control.  That truly is dealing with a child with a mental disorder.



Emily started experiencing erratic behavior.  She started drinking heavily, experimenting with drugs, staying out all night and fighting violently with her husband.  All of these details were taking place in an apartment and were kept from me.  Everyone around me knew but me.  Well, my oldest daughter worked for a general practitioner and decided to confide her sister's problems.  Of  course he advised her to come in and see him and at the completion of that visit Emily  was on Seroquel, Metforman, and Prozac.  At this time my daughter would swear that she was not hallucinating or hearing voices she was just struggling with her anger. 


For three years she stayed on the prescribed medications and we struggled with her ability to stay awake, to focus, to function as a regular human being.  And of course as almost all mental health patients she decided to stop taking the medications.  During this period she would take them and then stop taking them repeatedly.  Seroquel is one of the first generation antipsychotic medications and for new psychiatrists it is considered for some to be nothing short of poison.  It physically poisons the body with all of the toxins and it leaves the patient struggling to function under the influence of its debilitating effects. 


As a mother during this time I really felt like I was losing my daughter.  I listened to the doctor, I believed everything he said and I continued to try to convince her that it was always in her best interest to take the medications.  I was not educated on Seroquel, I had no prior  experience with the drug and I was taking the word of the doctor.  Meanwhile, it was killing her.  It was taking her life from her, making it almost impossible to be a mother to her son.  She was teaching preschool and it was becoming increasingly difficult to work everyday.  All I could see was a down hill fall into a coma.  I hated it.

September 28, 2014


I am a mother of a child with Schizoid Affective Disorder.  For anyone wondering what's Schizoid Affective Disorder...well at least she didn't say schizophrenia....you're very wrong.  Schizoid Affective Disorder or SAD and trust me its very SAD going through it.  It is a combination of schizophrenia, Bipolar and Depression.  It's lovely.  You get all of the symptoms and behaviors associated with all three sometimes separately and sometimes you get a lovely combination of all three simultaneously exploding. 


My daughter was in a traffic accident when she was approximately 21 years old.  She was not wearing her seatbelt and she was taking her husband to work driving erratically down the frontage road arguing with her husband.  She had been out partying all night with her friend and of course this caused a fight to ensue.  I got a phone call to come to the emergency room to find my daughter with her head strapped down cut up from head to toe.  They were working on shipping her out since we live in a rural community with limited services.  She had been sucked through the back window of her car as it was rolling front to back repeatedly.  Her head went through the back window and her husband pulled her back in the car cutting her face on the shards of the window.  Of course he did not know this the vehicle was in movement at the time.  She was transferred out to Riverside, they did a very poor job was stitching up her face and let her go home.  It was horrible.  Her head was swollen and her face was cut up.  Thank God her general practitioner took the time to fix the stitching on her face and today she looks wonderful.  However, her head was swollen to almost twice it's size so for anyone who understands schizophrenia you know the trauma triggered what was already there.  And trigger it did in very big way. 


This blog will not only discuss the various episodes of my daughter's SAD and how as a mother I have learned to deal with it but I will discuss the aftereffects of a daughter's journey after 17 years of an abusive drug infested marriage, and my youngest daughter's journey through the penal system and the reasons for that. 


I know you would think my girls are hideous and yet they are all beautiful intelligent women.  Flawed, but beautiful and they have a praying mother and wonderful people who surround them.  However, there  is a history of mental disorders on their father's side (I like to say that, I really do, and it's true) however, there is mental illness on my side as well.  My grandfather would tell me stories of the female relative that they would send upstairs when company would come over because she didn't know how to act.  Come to think of it there is a large possibility that I should have a second story built and  send a couple of my relatives up there. I won't name names though. 


For anyone who identifies with my stories, wants to comment, wants to share I welcome you.  We all deal this, maybe not like I have had to but there are varying degrees in every family.  And I hope it encourages and helps at least one person in some small way, or at least makes you laugh.